Today was my last day of my summer class and...I actually managed to finish the project! It's not that I didn't really think I would do it - I knew I would somehow type enough words to fill the paper requirements - but I am just so relieved that I finished, presented without sounding too out of it, and am done. Having one less thing to worry about for a couple of months is going to be very helpful, I think.
I am still very stressed, but just removed one factor. School itself doesn't stress me out - and by that I mean that I don't really have trouble grasping or applying the concepts. But the time it takes to do a decent job on the work DOES stress me out because, at least for this crazy accelerated class, I certainly did not have the necessary time available. So I'm just glad to be done. There may even be a chance I can pull an A-, which would still ruin my 4.0 but is at least better than a B.
And yes, I know I am a total dweeb for complaining about the possibility of getting a B, and that people get Bs all the time and that they are okay, and that I should just shut up about it. You'd have to know how deeply rooted my desire for getting an A really is to understand that it's a big step for me to say that I'd still be okay with getting a B in this class. I mean, it's come to that. And I haven't had a B since high-school math class. But at some point it's important to acknowledge the obvious, which is that I am doing too much stuff right now, and a B is perfectly acceptable in that situation.
But part of me still hopes to eek out the A-. :)
Guess we'll see. I'm just SO GLAD TO BE DONE! I need a break for sure.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
I am tired.
I tried to think of some cute title for this post, but that seemed like a lot of work, so I gave up. I considered "Yes, I'm still alive" and "Yes, I still have a blog and I remembered the login" and "Hey, mom, here's that post you've been waiting for," but in the end I just went with something simple and true.
Last Friday was my worst travel experience ever, of any kind, and that includes the time I went to St. Louis and got a cab that the driver had to start with a hammer. Somewhere in hour three of the six-hour drive my colleague and I made from Charlotte, NC to Nashville, TN in our desperate bid to get home to Illinois, I started seriously questioning my career choice. And when I had to walk into class after my epic journey without even going home first, wearing clean socks and a clean t-shirt brought to me in the parking lot by my wonderful husband and child, I started seriously questioning my school choice. I have gotten over all this serious questioning, but am left feeling very overwhelmed, very tired, very inadequate as a spouse and mother and very uncertain of how to get myself out of this in one piece.
In case anyone I work with or for has happened to notice that I have a blog, and has somehow found it, I would like to be clear that I do, most of the time, like my job, and I do think I am basically good at it. But the amount of work has reached a critical mass that makes me feel like I'm not doing as well as I could at any of it, and I find that very frustrating. I like to be really good at things. I am a little weary of spending my days running from one meeting to the next, each about a different topic, throwing in a few business trips, trying to get homework done to some reasonable standard and still do a decent job of just being married, being a mom and occasionally cooking food or cleaning the bathroom.
One day last week, I had eight meetings. Eight. And I had a trip the next day (the fateful trip to NC), and I wasn't near being done with what I needed to do, and B had to work late because I was going to be gone the next two days and he wasn't going to get another chance. So I did the only thing I could think of, which is pick the kid up from school and take her back to work with me, at 6:30, so that I could finish my stuff. And she was beautifully well-behaved, wonderful in every way, as usual. But I felt like utter crap about it. I was getting ready to be gone for two days and I couldn't even spend some nice time with my kid watching Looney Tunes or building Legos or who knows what. She sat in a chair in my tiny cube and watched me work while she ate goldfish crackers.
So I went on the trip, then ran into travel insanity, and found myself finishing my homework for school while balancing my laptop on my knees while my colleague was driving to Nashville. I emailed the sorry thing to the professor at midnight that night when we finally got to the hotel. Thank goodness he was very understanding and didn't make me try to present my work after I stumbled into class 3 hours late, having flown in Saturday morning and driven straight to school. He even let me resubmit my homework so I could look it over to be sure it was coherent.
Yesterday was Father's Day, and while B said he had a great day, I wished I could have gotten it together to do more for him. He's been pulling all the weight at home lately, and he never complains or questions any of my travel or homework or anything. He just adjusts his schedule and makes things work, and even knows how to do ponytails so he can do Hannah's hair when I'm not home. He is wonderful. He is amazing. And I wanted to do something really great to show him how much every single thing he does means to me, and I couldn't get it together. I got him a t-shirt. He said, "Well, you've been busy." Which is true. But is it an excuse?
Then today at work was insane again, and I am just tired. And I have another trip Wednesday to Thursday. At least class is over on Saturday and I have the rest of the summer off. Let's not talk about the final project that's due in 5 days that I haven't even started...I guess that's what the plane ride is for.
But I have officially hit the wall. I am trying to do too much. And yeah, I get the next two months off from school, but what am I going to do in September when it all starts up again?
Last Friday was my worst travel experience ever, of any kind, and that includes the time I went to St. Louis and got a cab that the driver had to start with a hammer. Somewhere in hour three of the six-hour drive my colleague and I made from Charlotte, NC to Nashville, TN in our desperate bid to get home to Illinois, I started seriously questioning my career choice. And when I had to walk into class after my epic journey without even going home first, wearing clean socks and a clean t-shirt brought to me in the parking lot by my wonderful husband and child, I started seriously questioning my school choice. I have gotten over all this serious questioning, but am left feeling very overwhelmed, very tired, very inadequate as a spouse and mother and very uncertain of how to get myself out of this in one piece.
In case anyone I work with or for has happened to notice that I have a blog, and has somehow found it, I would like to be clear that I do, most of the time, like my job, and I do think I am basically good at it. But the amount of work has reached a critical mass that makes me feel like I'm not doing as well as I could at any of it, and I find that very frustrating. I like to be really good at things. I am a little weary of spending my days running from one meeting to the next, each about a different topic, throwing in a few business trips, trying to get homework done to some reasonable standard and still do a decent job of just being married, being a mom and occasionally cooking food or cleaning the bathroom.
One day last week, I had eight meetings. Eight. And I had a trip the next day (the fateful trip to NC), and I wasn't near being done with what I needed to do, and B had to work late because I was going to be gone the next two days and he wasn't going to get another chance. So I did the only thing I could think of, which is pick the kid up from school and take her back to work with me, at 6:30, so that I could finish my stuff. And she was beautifully well-behaved, wonderful in every way, as usual. But I felt like utter crap about it. I was getting ready to be gone for two days and I couldn't even spend some nice time with my kid watching Looney Tunes or building Legos or who knows what. She sat in a chair in my tiny cube and watched me work while she ate goldfish crackers.
So I went on the trip, then ran into travel insanity, and found myself finishing my homework for school while balancing my laptop on my knees while my colleague was driving to Nashville. I emailed the sorry thing to the professor at midnight that night when we finally got to the hotel. Thank goodness he was very understanding and didn't make me try to present my work after I stumbled into class 3 hours late, having flown in Saturday morning and driven straight to school. He even let me resubmit my homework so I could look it over to be sure it was coherent.
Yesterday was Father's Day, and while B said he had a great day, I wished I could have gotten it together to do more for him. He's been pulling all the weight at home lately, and he never complains or questions any of my travel or homework or anything. He just adjusts his schedule and makes things work, and even knows how to do ponytails so he can do Hannah's hair when I'm not home. He is wonderful. He is amazing. And I wanted to do something really great to show him how much every single thing he does means to me, and I couldn't get it together. I got him a t-shirt. He said, "Well, you've been busy." Which is true. But is it an excuse?
Then today at work was insane again, and I am just tired. And I have another trip Wednesday to Thursday. At least class is over on Saturday and I have the rest of the summer off. Let's not talk about the final project that's due in 5 days that I haven't even started...I guess that's what the plane ride is for.
But I have officially hit the wall. I am trying to do too much. And yeah, I get the next two months off from school, but what am I going to do in September when it all starts up again?
Friday, May 15, 2009
I blame Facebook
I haven't posted anything at all to my blog in weeks, but I've checked Facebook pretty much every day. In my defense, I've been really busy, and I also don't think anybody really misses my blog posts, as I have approximately 5 regular readers (Hi, Mom).
So, for an update, here are some random thoughts:
I finished the spring semester at school last night (goodbye, boring PR class), and I start my summer class tomorrow. The summer class is an accelerated course, which means it will be a brutal amount of work but that it will also be short (over at the end of June). This means I still get two months off before starting the fall semester. Also, there is no required textbook AND there are no tests, and the prof's syllabus is even funny - so I'm feeling pretty good about this class already. I'm so glad my classes this past semester were pretty easy; I remember how burned out I felt last year at this time, and I can't imagine what it would have been like trying to start a new class two days after finishing those courses. This time, though, it doesn't feel like a very big deal.
I spent some significant time at work today getting a handle on my travel schedule for the summer. I figured out I have three trips in May (two still to go), two in June, three in July, two in August...and that's just for now. There's more to come. It's insane and causes me exceptional guilt and stress, but I'm glad to at least have a job that I like most of the time.
The Wii Fit I got for Mother's Day talks about people behind their backs. When I got on it today, it asked me how I thought Brock was looking lately. I think it might have a crush on him. Also, I don't like its superior tone. I have decided that because it a) doesn't know how delightful chocolate chip cookies taste and b) doesn't even have legs, there is no way for it to possibly know what it's like to be me, so it should just keep its thoughts to itself! It said I've lost seven-tenths of a pound this week, and it seemed completely unimpressed. However, today I unlocked boxing, and that was pretty fun.
The new Green Day Album, 21st Century Breakdown, is awesome. I am extremely bummed I can't go to their concert in Chicago...but I'll be at a trade show in Ohio instead. :( At least Brock gets to go!
This weekend, our goal is to get our hotel and airfare booked for our summer vacation. I'd like to be locked in so we know we're going! Also, we don't think airfare is going to get any cheaper.
I am sleepy. Time to go to bed.
So, for an update, here are some random thoughts:
I finished the spring semester at school last night (goodbye, boring PR class), and I start my summer class tomorrow. The summer class is an accelerated course, which means it will be a brutal amount of work but that it will also be short (over at the end of June). This means I still get two months off before starting the fall semester. Also, there is no required textbook AND there are no tests, and the prof's syllabus is even funny - so I'm feeling pretty good about this class already. I'm so glad my classes this past semester were pretty easy; I remember how burned out I felt last year at this time, and I can't imagine what it would have been like trying to start a new class two days after finishing those courses. This time, though, it doesn't feel like a very big deal.
I spent some significant time at work today getting a handle on my travel schedule for the summer. I figured out I have three trips in May (two still to go), two in June, three in July, two in August...and that's just for now. There's more to come. It's insane and causes me exceptional guilt and stress, but I'm glad to at least have a job that I like most of the time.
The Wii Fit I got for Mother's Day talks about people behind their backs. When I got on it today, it asked me how I thought Brock was looking lately. I think it might have a crush on him. Also, I don't like its superior tone. I have decided that because it a) doesn't know how delightful chocolate chip cookies taste and b) doesn't even have legs, there is no way for it to possibly know what it's like to be me, so it should just keep its thoughts to itself! It said I've lost seven-tenths of a pound this week, and it seemed completely unimpressed. However, today I unlocked boxing, and that was pretty fun.
The new Green Day Album, 21st Century Breakdown, is awesome. I am extremely bummed I can't go to their concert in Chicago...but I'll be at a trade show in Ohio instead. :( At least Brock gets to go!
This weekend, our goal is to get our hotel and airfare booked for our summer vacation. I'd like to be locked in so we know we're going! Also, we don't think airfare is going to get any cheaper.
I am sleepy. Time to go to bed.
Monday, April 27, 2009
And I didn't write a blog post till now!
I have spent ALL DAY doing homework (it is an awesome way to use a vacation day; you should totally try it). I have two papers due in a couple of weeks with a big, time-consuming business trip between now and then, so it's basically crunch time for getting these things done. While I did get a little distracted by Facebook a couple of times, and probably posted on my status a little too often just because I haven't had anyone to talk to all day, I am really proud that I lasted till now - 9 hours into my paper-writing extravaganza - to write a blog post. Usually I use this as a big procrastination tactic, so maybe I'm improving.
By my calculation, I have generated more than 4,000 words and about 18 pages of stuff today, not counting all the time I spent editing and formatting the stuff I already had done. I still have two more sections of one paper to do, and I am determined to finish that tonight.
I will be glad when this semester is over. It's kind of been a drag.
By my calculation, I have generated more than 4,000 words and about 18 pages of stuff today, not counting all the time I spent editing and formatting the stuff I already had done. I still have two more sections of one paper to do, and I am determined to finish that tonight.
I will be glad when this semester is over. It's kind of been a drag.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
I am just like everyone else
So, I finally joined Facebook. If you know my real name, you can find me there. :)
I've been resisting for probably a year...but I finally hit the point where I figured there were lots of conversations going on out there that I wasn't part of, and that started to get annoying. So, even though this officially makes me just like a couple hundred million other people, I guess it also makes me cooler. I was starting to sound a bit like some cranky old lady with my opposition to joining Facebook ("I don't need one more thing to maintain, sonny!"). *chuckle*
So far it's kind of fun, anyway...although I find myself getting incredibly impatient with it because I really don't feel like figuring out how everything works. However, now that I've taken the plunge, I will persevere! It is amazing - and ridiculous - how engrossed you can get in reading the details of other people's lives...
I've been resisting for probably a year...but I finally hit the point where I figured there were lots of conversations going on out there that I wasn't part of, and that started to get annoying. So, even though this officially makes me just like a couple hundred million other people, I guess it also makes me cooler. I was starting to sound a bit like some cranky old lady with my opposition to joining Facebook ("I don't need one more thing to maintain, sonny!"). *chuckle*
So far it's kind of fun, anyway...although I find myself getting incredibly impatient with it because I really don't feel like figuring out how everything works. However, now that I've taken the plunge, I will persevere! It is amazing - and ridiculous - how engrossed you can get in reading the details of other people's lives...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Unmotivated
I did not realize it's been almost a month since I posted anything! Ah, I am a bad blogger. But really, I've been so unmotivated about just about everything "usual" lately that I guess I just didn't think about it.
Usually I use this space to whine about school, but I haven't been thinking much about school. I don't blog in any detail about work, which has consumed a huge portion of life lately with travel and then the inevitable, all-consuming aftermath of travel, where you try to get all the work done that piled up while you were traveling. And I've been totally slacking and using the little free time I do have as actual free time, and doing stuff like reading books (instead of homework), hanging out with family, celebrating Brock's birthday with a fun day in the city, etc.
So other than reading two really good books lately (The Serpent's Tale by Ariana Franklin and The Lady Elizabeth by Alison Weir - I am in a historical fiction mood), I don't have much to report.
I am taking a day off work next week to knock out my final papers for school, since for the first time in my life I have been actively choosing not to do my school work. I just can't get into it, and I haven't been forcing myself. I have a theory that because I will soon be 2/3 done (yippee), and because neither of my classes requires a great amount of thought or effort, I have hit a wall. Brock says I'm turning normal, and starting to act like a regular student, but it's weird for me. You'd think I would be more concerned, but I'm not. I just hope I can push through it before I start my summer class, because from here on out I don't think my classes will be easy at all. So I'm enjoying coasting for this semester, and I'm going to have to buckle down from here on out.
So yeah, I'm just kinda boring right now. That's okay.
Usually I use this space to whine about school, but I haven't been thinking much about school. I don't blog in any detail about work, which has consumed a huge portion of life lately with travel and then the inevitable, all-consuming aftermath of travel, where you try to get all the work done that piled up while you were traveling. And I've been totally slacking and using the little free time I do have as actual free time, and doing stuff like reading books (instead of homework), hanging out with family, celebrating Brock's birthday with a fun day in the city, etc.
So other than reading two really good books lately (The Serpent's Tale by Ariana Franklin and The Lady Elizabeth by Alison Weir - I am in a historical fiction mood), I don't have much to report.
I am taking a day off work next week to knock out my final papers for school, since for the first time in my life I have been actively choosing not to do my school work. I just can't get into it, and I haven't been forcing myself. I have a theory that because I will soon be 2/3 done (yippee), and because neither of my classes requires a great amount of thought or effort, I have hit a wall. Brock says I'm turning normal, and starting to act like a regular student, but it's weird for me. You'd think I would be more concerned, but I'm not. I just hope I can push through it before I start my summer class, because from here on out I don't think my classes will be easy at all. So I'm enjoying coasting for this semester, and I'm going to have to buckle down from here on out.
So yeah, I'm just kinda boring right now. That's okay.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
B is for Bueno
I am traveling for work (again) this week. I had one midterm paper due today and another one is due tomorrow. I have emailed them both to my instructors, so at least they're done. I have decided, all things considered, that they are both solid B papers, and that's okay. I don't like it, but it's reality. So I was talking to Brock on the phone tonight and he said "B is for Bueno" - which I liked.
When you are traveling for half the month your midterm papers are due, and you have dinners to go to and actual work you have to do each evening because the meetings you were in all day did not make it possible for you to do any work, a B just has to be okay, right? Really, at this point, I'm rather impressed that they're done and they're coherent.
I think I am going to try to be well-adjusted about this until I get my papers back. If I do, by some miracle, get an A on either of them, I am going to seriously consider dialing down the amount of effort I put into things. It would show that it is possible to get an A while being horribly distracted. *chuckle*
When you are traveling for half the month your midterm papers are due, and you have dinners to go to and actual work you have to do each evening because the meetings you were in all day did not make it possible for you to do any work, a B just has to be okay, right? Really, at this point, I'm rather impressed that they're done and they're coherent.
I think I am going to try to be well-adjusted about this until I get my papers back. If I do, by some miracle, get an A on either of them, I am going to seriously consider dialing down the amount of effort I put into things. It would show that it is possible to get an A while being horribly distracted. *chuckle*
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