In memory

I learned this morning that my grandmother passed away yesterday. We weren't at all close, which is something I regret, and I am sadder than I thought I would be now that she's really gone. I thought I had long ago worked through the fact that I wasn't going to have a grandma the same way other people have grandmas, and that when the end did come it would just sort of feel like the final detail in a relationship that wasn't really a relationship at all. But I am sad that things were the way they were.

Still, I've spent the day reflecting on some of the happy memories I do have of my grandma, and even if you didn't know her, these are amusing. And they're a fun way to honor her and to remember that once upon a time, things were different. Here we go:

• To the best of my knowledge, my grandmother invented "stuffed celery," which is raw celery stuffed with a combination of cream cheese, chopped onion, pepper and more salt than seems reasonable. It is one of the great taste sensations of all time, and I believe could be considered one of my grandma's best contributions to society. To this day, it does not feel like Christmas or New Year's to me if I do not have stuffed celery to eat.
  
• Aside from the triumph of stuffed celery, my grandmother was not a very good cook. My dad has great stories about her trying to make mashed potatoes with melted ice cream because she was out of milk, or SPAM sandwiches with that weird jelly stuff still on them. But my own personal memory of my grandma and cooking revolves almost entirely around Jell-O. I hate Jell-O, and really pretty much always have, but she was one of the great supporters of Jell-O's sales figures when I was little. I vividly remember one of her kitchen cabinets was literally filled with boxes of every kind of Jell-O.
• One year, she gave me a kazoo on my sister's birthday (you know, so I wouldn't feel left out). I know my parents were greatly displeased by this, but I thought the kazoo was pretty awesome. I think she may have also been the source of the harmonica I had, but never learned how to play properly. Harmonicas sound horrible if you don't know what you're doing, but they are pleasantly noisy if you're 6.
  
• She was a great beer-drinker. When I was very little I said to her (and I have no idea where I got this notion), "Grandma, ladies don't drink beer." And she laughed and took another pull from the bottle. *chuckle*
• One year she gave my dad pajamas for Christmas. My dad hates pajamas, and I told her so. In front of everyone. From this experience I learned that it sometimes it is better not to say what you're thinking, even if it's true...and this life lesson serves me well to this day.
• Another food-related memory: my grandma's lake cottage is the only place in my life I ever remember having Tang to drink, and it was horrible. On the plus side, though, she would get those little individual-serving boxes of all the super-sugary cereal we never were allowed to have at home, so we got to eat Coco Puffs and Sugar Crisp and whatever that really sweet honey cereal was that had a frog on the box. That was really awesome, especially for a kid from a decidedly Grape Nuts and Cheerios family.

But the very best thing I have to say about my grandmother, and the thing I will always be most grateful to her for no matter what flaws she might have had as a grandmother, is that she gave the world my dad. And that, my friends, is an amazing contribution. :)