I am tired.

I tried to think of some cute title for this post, but that seemed like a lot of work, so I gave up. I considered "Yes, I'm still alive" and "Yes, I still have a blog and I remembered the login" and "Hey, mom, here's that post you've been waiting for," but in the end I just went with something simple and true.

Last Friday was my worst travel experience ever, of any kind, and that includes the time I went to St. Louis and got a cab that the driver had to start with a hammer. Somewhere in hour three of the six-hour drive my colleague and I made from Charlotte, NC to Nashville, TN in our desperate bid to get home to Illinois, I started seriously questioning my career choice. And when I had to walk into class after my epic journey without even going home first, wearing clean socks and a clean t-shirt brought to me in the parking lot by my wonderful husband and child, I started seriously questioning my school choice. I have gotten over all this serious questioning, but am left feeling very overwhelmed, very tired, very inadequate as a spouse and mother and very uncertain of how to get myself out of this in one piece.

In case anyone I work with or for has happened to notice that I have a blog, and has somehow found it, I would like to be clear that I do, most of the time, like my job, and I do think I am basically good at it. But the amount of work has reached a critical mass that makes me feel like I'm not doing as well as I could at any of it, and I find that very frustrating. I like to be really good at things. I am a little weary of spending my days running from one meeting to the next, each about a different topic, throwing in a few business trips, trying to get homework done to some reasonable standard and still do a decent job of just being married, being a mom and occasionally cooking food or cleaning the bathroom.

One day last week, I had eight meetings. Eight. And I had a trip the next day (the fateful trip to NC), and I wasn't near being done with what I needed to do, and B had to work late because I was going to be gone the next two days and he wasn't going to get another chance. So I did the only thing I could think of, which is pick the kid up from school and take her back to work with me, at 6:30, so that I could finish my stuff. And she was beautifully well-behaved, wonderful in every way, as usual. But I felt like utter crap about it. I was getting ready to be gone for two days and I couldn't even spend some nice time with my kid watching Looney Tunes or building Legos or who knows what. She sat in a chair in my tiny cube and watched me work while she ate goldfish crackers.

So I went on the trip, then ran into travel insanity, and found myself finishing my homework for school while balancing my laptop on my knees while my colleague was driving to Nashville. I emailed the sorry thing to the professor at midnight that night when we finally got to the hotel. Thank goodness he was very understanding and didn't make me try to present my work after I stumbled into class 3 hours late, having flown in Saturday morning and driven straight to school. He even let me resubmit my homework so I could look it over to be sure it was coherent.

Yesterday was Father's Day, and while B said he had a great day, I wished I could have gotten it together to do more for him. He's been pulling all the weight at home lately, and he never complains or questions any of my travel or homework or anything. He just adjusts his schedule and makes things work, and even knows how to do ponytails so he can do Hannah's hair when I'm not home. He is wonderful. He is amazing. And I wanted to do something really great to show him how much every single thing he does means to me, and I couldn't get it together. I got him a t-shirt. He said, "Well, you've been busy." Which is true. But is it an excuse?

Then today at work was insane again, and I am just tired. And I have another trip Wednesday to Thursday. At least class is over on Saturday and I have the rest of the summer off. Let's not talk about the final project that's due in 5 days that I haven't even started...I guess that's what the plane ride is for.

But I have officially hit the wall. I am trying to do too much. And yeah, I get the next two months off from school, but what am I going to do in September when it all starts up again?

I blame Facebook

I haven't posted anything at all to my blog in weeks, but I've checked Facebook pretty much every day. In my defense, I've been really busy, and I also don't think anybody really misses my blog posts, as I have approximately 5 regular readers (Hi, Mom).

So, for an update, here are some random thoughts:

I finished the spring semester at school last night (goodbye, boring PR class), and I start my summer class tomorrow. The summer class is an accelerated course, which means it will be a brutal amount of work but that it will also be short (over at the end of June). This means I still get two months off before starting the fall semester. Also, there is no required textbook AND there are no tests, and the prof's syllabus is even funny - so I'm feeling pretty good about this class already. I'm so glad my classes this past semester were pretty easy; I remember how burned out I felt last year at this time, and I can't imagine what it would have been like trying to start a new class two days after finishing those courses. This time, though, it doesn't feel like a very big deal.

I spent some significant time at work today getting a handle on my travel schedule for the summer. I figured out I have three trips in May (two still to go), two in June, three in July, two in August...and that's just for now. There's more to come. It's insane and causes me exceptional guilt and stress, but I'm glad to at least have a job that I like most of the time.

The Wii Fit I got for Mother's Day talks about people behind their backs. When I got on it today, it asked me how I thought Brock was looking lately. I think it might have a crush on him. Also, I don't like its superior tone. I have decided that because it a) doesn't know how delightful chocolate chip cookies taste and b) doesn't even have legs, there is no way for it to possibly know what it's like to be me, so it should just keep its thoughts to itself! It said I've lost seven-tenths of a pound this week, and it seemed completely unimpressed. However, today I unlocked boxing, and that was pretty fun.

The new Green Day Album, 21st Century Breakdown, is awesome. I am extremely bummed I can't go to their concert in Chicago...but I'll be at a trade show in Ohio instead. :( At least Brock gets to go!

This weekend, our goal is to get our hotel and airfare booked for our summer vacation. I'd like to be locked in so we know we're going! Also, we don't think airfare is going to get any cheaper.

I am sleepy. Time to go to bed.

Unmotivated

I did not realize it's been almost a month since I posted anything! Ah, I am a bad blogger. But really, I've been so unmotivated about just about everything "usual" lately that I guess I just didn't think about it.

Usually I use this space to whine about school, but I haven't been thinking much about school. I don't blog in any detail about work, which has consumed a huge portion of life lately with travel and then the inevitable, all-consuming aftermath of travel, where you try to get all the work done that piled up while you were traveling. And I've been totally slacking and using the little free time I do have as actual free time, and doing stuff like reading books (instead of homework), hanging out with family, celebrating Brock's birthday with a fun day in the city, etc.

So other than reading two really good books lately (The Serpent's Tale by Ariana Franklin and The Lady Elizabeth by Alison Weir - I am in a historical fiction mood), I don't have much to report.

I am taking a day off work next week to knock out my final papers for school, since for the first time in my life I have been actively choosing not to do my school work. I just can't get into it, and I haven't been forcing myself. I have a theory that because I will soon be 2/3 done (yippee), and because neither of my classes requires a great amount of thought or effort, I have hit a wall. Brock says I'm turning normal, and starting to act like a regular student, but it's weird for me. You'd think I would be more concerned, but I'm not. I just hope I can push through it before I start my summer class, because from here on out I don't think my classes will be easy at all. So I'm enjoying coasting for this semester, and I'm going to have to buckle down from here on out.

So yeah, I'm just kinda boring right now. That's okay.

Travel day

I am in California right now for work. I left our house at 10:15 this morning and got to my hotel around 6:20 Pacific time, roughly 10 hours later. It was a long day. Hannah was mad at me for leaving and almost refused to hug me goodbye, and then she didn' t want to talk to me on the phone. That made me very sad, but I understand. She doesn't get why I had to leave and I'd be mad, too. Besides, I don't like it, either. However, California is sunny and has palm trees, and even if I am here for work, there are worse places you can be forced to go (Exhibit A: St. Louis, which is my least favorite city I've ever visited, with apologies to the people who live there and actually like it).

Anyway, here are some amusing/interesting things that happened today.

• My flight landed at LAX 20 minutes EARLY, which I was sure meant I was in the Twilight Zone. But then my connecting flight was 30 minutes late, so the space/time continuum must have righted itself.
• I noticed that many women travelers at LAX were wearing heels. High ones. I cannot figure out why.
• I heard a girl having a VERY LOUD conversation on her cell phone where she was apparently telling a friend that her boyfriend had finally said, "I love you" for the first time. I resisted the urge to congratulate her.
• I ate peanut butter pretzels, which was a treat since we don't have peanut butter at home.
• I had a fish taco for dinner that was awesome. The shrimp taco, not so much.
• My rental car is a bright, electric blue PT Cruiser. At first I thought it was the dumbest car ever - I actually laughed out loud in the rental parking lot - but after I got in I decided it was SO CUTE and I've now fallen in love with it. I am certain I have the most unique rental car of any of my coworkers. Even the dashboard is electric blue. I have to remember not to speed.
• My plane was full of little kids, who were all pretty well-behaved, actually. I had a horrible stab of homesickness because the little girl in front of me was watching The Backyardigans on her portable DVD player.
• I actually did homework on the plane and worked till my laptop battery almost ran down. It was a bit tough to do anything without internet access, but I got a pretty good outline of my thoughts. It helped that the in-flight movie was dumb so I didn't want to watch it. (I can't remember what it was, but it had Keanu Reeves in it, which should explain well enough. It even looked stupid with no sound, which is never a good sign.)
• I bought a new book, A Serpent's Tale by Ariana Franklin, to read at LAX because my laptop battery was almost dead and I'd read both my magazines, and I had a long layover. It's very good and will probably keep me from doing any more homework on any more planes. :)

And now, to bed - because I have to be ready to leave at 7:15 to drive the Electric Blue Love Bug (which we've already christened my rental car) to get to work!

Dip it - dip it good

At work, I am becoming somewhat famous for my dip recipes. Once a month, we have "birthday day," when everyone in the department brings in food to celebrate whomever's birthday falls that month. (Luckily, every month has at least one birthday in it.) Then we just eat all day and compare recipes. It's excellent for morale. :)

Anyway, I'm becoming known for dips because usually about all I can muster the night before birthday day is stirring. I would love to bake or make something more complicated for my lovely coworkers, but this is life. So pretty much every month, I bring dip. Sometimes I really take the shortcut and just throw a mix in some sour cream and call it a day. But occasionally I put in a little extra effort.

That said, here are my three favorite birthday day dip recipes. The first one on the list is one I just tried for the first time today, and it was super good.

Garlic Onion Dip
Adapted from Simple & Delicious magazine (I think!)
2-8 oz. pkgs. cream cheese, softened
3 green onions, green parts only, chopped
2 strips cooked and crumbled turkey bacon
3 tbsp. apricot preserves
1 tsp. minced garlic
Dash of pepper

Really good on whole wheat crackers.

Spicy Avocado Dip
From kraftfoods.com; EVERYONE loves this one, and it makes a lot
2 medium avocados, mashed
16 0z. sour cream
1/4 cup chopped green onions (about 4-5 onions)
1 envelope ranch dressing mix
1 tbsp. lime juice (I just squeeze half a lime without trying very hard)
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper

This is good on everything - veggies, Wheat Thins, other crackers...but it's the best on blue corn chips.

Salsa Onion Cheese Dip
I think I made this one up.
16 oz. sour cream
1 envelope onion soup mix
About 1/2 cup salsa
About 1/4 cup shredded cheddar jack cheese

The best on Fritos Scoops...but works on other chips and veggies, too.

I would rather eat chips and dip than cake. I know that's weird, but I can back this up - because there's always cake on birthday day, and I hardly ever eat it because I'm full of chips and dip.

It's come to this

This is what I had for dinner:


Please allow me to explain how this came to be. This was my day today:

• Get up only 15 minutes late, which is a big improvement over the 30-40 minutes I usually waste trying to convince myself to get out of bed, especially now that it is totally dark at 5:30 in the morning again.
• Get ready for work.
• Go wake Hannah up, who says, "I just want to lay here and cover up and close my eyes." Totally agree with Hannah but make her get out of bed anyway.
• Manage to get Hannah ready, toast her breakfast and go wake Brock up.
• Finish getting dressed for work while Brock brushes Hannah's teeth and puts her shoes on.
• Lug bunch of stuff out to car.
• Come back for Hannah. Drop at daycare very late, like 7:45, despite "early" start to the day.
• Get to work at 8:20. Supposed to be at work at 8:00, but never happens.
• Turn on computer. Get coffee (frappucino, actually).
  
• Drink coffee while spending an hour and a half combing through 226 (no kidding) unread emails. Do not read all emails. Feel annoyed at email culture.
• Go to meetings from 10 to noon.
• Go for sushi with friend. (High point of work day, to be sure. Spicy tuna rolls are awesome.)
• Go to meeting from 2 to 3.
• Try to get work done from 3 to 4. Not very successful.
  
• Go for performance review with boss at 4:00. Boss is stuck in other meeting. Wait 15 minutes for boss to show up. Realize that review is going to last past 5:00 now, which starts customary "I will be late picking Hannah up from daycare" panic.
• Have very nice review. Learn that I possibly laugh too much (I do have a tendency to laugh all the time, which I suppose does make it sound like I think what I just said was a joke - even though I've always thought it was charming and disarming), but am otherwise quite capable, well-respected and doing a good job. Need to work on establishing strategy, which is part of the new job and was not part of the old one. All in all, pretty good.
• Get out of review at 5:20. Get to car, in the steady rain, at 5:25. Realize I will probably be late picking Hannah up, and if I'm not, she will for sure at least be the last kid at daycare. Again.
• Deal with slow, annoying drivers for 34.5 minutes. Pull into daycare at approximately 5:59:30 and race to door in continuing rain.
• Feel very happy to see Hannah, who's happy to see me.
• Drive home. Get call from Brock that he has to work late and will not be home till after 9:00.
• Realize that there is not enough time to make the taco casserole I'd planned to make with Hannah this evening.
• Give up and get fish sticks and Smiles out of the freezer. Realize we eat a lot of meals that can be dipped in ketchup. But it has been a long time since we had Smiles, and Hannah likes them, and they are tasty. We like our dinner even if it's sort of ridiculous for a grown-up to eat fish sticks and shaped potatoes.
  
• Give Hannah bubble bath. Fun. :)
  
• Watch Dr. Jiggle & Mr. Sly episode of Veggie Tales TV show on DVR with Hannah. Sing along to "The Hole in the Bottom of the Sea" at the end.
  
• Get Hannah to brush teeth.
• Read two stories, Color Kittens and Goodnight, Little Bear, both of which are really old Little Golden Books and also kind of annoying after the 87th reading. But still enjoyable because Hannah likes them.
• Sort laundry. Start washer, only to realize that there is still a load of laundry sitting in the washer from two days ago that needs to be dried.
• Put laundry in dryer. Put more laundry in washer.
• Blog instead of doing reading for school, which started last week.

So...it's been kind of a crazy day. A "fish sticks and shaped potatoes" kind of day.

A thankful heart is a happy heart

So, the title of this post is a song that's in the Madame Blueberry episode of Veggie Tales. It's a lesson about being thankful for what you have.

After several viewings of this episode, and having the aforementioned song stuck in my head for days and days and days, I have decided to actually listen to it. This is because I have been super-crabby about work for the past few days. (I think I have done a good job controlling the crabbiness outside of work.)

Suffice it to say that my work life is changing again and, after just taking my new job a couple of months ago, my responsibilities are shifting a bit. Although the logical part of my brain sees that there may be some good opportunities lurking in this situation, the illogical part of my brain would just like things to stay the same for 5 minutes so I have a chance to get good at what I'm doing without having to add more new stuff on top of new stuff. That's the part of my brain that's been making me crabby for the past week.

So I have decided to try very hard to be like Madame Blueberry, and be thankful for what I have: a good job at a company that's been around a long time (not to mention the wonderful non-work things I have, like my awesome family and good friends and a nice roof over my head). This is not to say I have totally banished the crabbiness, but my hope is that it will help my attitude recover a bit.

Also, I realized that school starts next week. Instead of panicking, I am also trying very hard to be thankful that I have the means to advance my education and learn new things.

I don't think this rosy view will last very long, as I am cynical and sarcastic by nature, but at least I'm making an effort here.

I am still not, however, thankful for what I have to go do now, which is work on my budgets for the next fiscal year. I just can't be thankful for budgeting. It is one of my least favorite things.

But I'm thankful for everything else. Really.

Work, schmerk

Today was the third day in a row that somebody cheesed me off after 4 p.m., causing me to do additional work that made me NOT leave at 4:30, which is supposed to be our official "quitting time" but really hardly ever is. But today I really wanted to leave at 4:30, and I didn't get to. Leaving anywhere after 4:45 gives me stress about getting to pick Hannah up from daycare in time...leaving at 5:10 makes me positively twitchy. Leaving at 5:20 means she is for sure the last kid at daycare because I can't roll in any earlier than 5:59 (pick up has to be by 6:00).

I used to leave work by 4:45 or so every day. It doesn't work that way anymore - not with the new job. Today I really wanted to leave earlier because we had no food in our house and I wanted to make a mad dash into the store to buy milk (because we were completely out) and something for dinner (because last night we had fish sticks and today we didn't have any other options). It worked out okay - Hannah and I just made a quick trip to the store after I picked her up - but it's frustrating. And I would have been able to leave on time every day since Wednesday if people would just not give me trouble. Argh.

So we finally got home, and Hannah and I had a lovely time making pizza. We had dinner, she got a bath, we watched Veggie Tales and then we read two bedtime stories. My outlook on life was definitely improving. Then I sat down with the computer to do some mindless reading, and my computer won't load any of the blogs I like to read. I can live without most of them, except for Go Fug Yourself. I haven't read it since early this week and it makes me happy, and I was looking forward to the comfort of noting that, even if work bothers me, at least I've never walked out of the house looking half as bad as some of the people on that blog.

So now I'm annoyed again and there's nothing I can do about it, because my tech support is out of town.

Argh.

Busy busy busy

The last few of weeks have been pretty crazy. I made it through a very rough week at my new job, in which I was convinced I had made a huge mistake and should just go cry in a corner instead. But I came out on the other side of that, and while I'm still kind of overwhelmed and feel like I don't know which way is up, I'm making incremental progress on some things and am starting to feel like I'm accomplishing something.

I had my first business trip with the new job last weekend. Thankfully, it was short - but it also encompassed Saturday and Sunday, so today is my first real day off in a couple of weeks. Also, I came back from the trip with a stomach bug and spent Tuesday lying on the couch eating crackers, 4 at a time, in shifts of every few hours. What was completely bizarre about it was that exactly 24 hours after I started feeling horrible, I got ravenously hungry and ate tacos. And I've been totally fine ever since. Really weird.

Brock is off with some friends this afternoon seeing The Dark Knight, because I refuse to go see it in the movie theater. At some point, I want to see it because it's supposed to be really good - I told Brock I felt like I'd be missing out on a cultural experience if I didn't eventually watch it - but I can't handle it in the theater. Too many scary clowns. And I'm scared of clowns that aren't even supposed to be scary. So Brock's "screening" it for me and when we do eventually watch it together, it'll be on DVD in the safety of our own home, and he can tell me when I need to hide my face.

Hannah has a cold...which stinks...but this morning at 4:45 when she woke up crying we really thought it might be bronchitis, so we'll take the cold. She's been doing all right today. Dimetapp is helping.

And now...I need to go do some stuff for work. Bleh.

Confessions of a working mom

My new job is insane. It's insane partially because I think that's just how it's going to be, and partially because I am trying to learn it while simultaneously doing my old job (because there's no one else to do it). I had seven meetings today, and there were two times where two meetings overlapped. It's that kind of crazy. I left work late and Hannah was the last kid left at daycare, which doesn't happen often but still makes me feel like a horrible mother when it does. It's been bugging me all evening.

It occurs to me that because I had a child while still on the upward climb of my career, I have set myself up for many years of internal conflict and guilt over pursuing career advancement. I thought I'd already understood it, but with this job I think I've hit the point where it's really going to be something that weighs on me. While my family will always be the most important thing in the world to me, my career is still important, too. I hope that in the long run this will be a really good example for my daughter - that you can do all the things you want to do, and have success in your own right while also being a good wife and mother. But I think the key is marrying well; that is, marrying someone who supports that, and plays an active role in the daily running of the family. I'm lucky my husband supports my ambition, and that he is an active dad who would never, ever refer to spending time with Hannah as "babysitting." But I still have guilt.

The other day, I was talking to one of my friends, who's expecting a baby. I said to her that I felt like the decision to be a working mom is a catch-22: if you stay home, people may undervalue you because you're not "working" and you may feel like you should be doing more (which is a crock); if you work, some will judge your career dedication negatively, and you'll feel guilty for not staying home (also a crock). None of this is fair, but as my mom always said, "Who ever promised fair?" The answer, now as it was when I wanted a Whistle Pop at the grocery store, is "nobody."

I know that I would not be a very good stay-at-home mom. I mean, I'd be okay at it, but I don't think my daughter would be as well-rounded if she were stuck with me all the time. In fact, judging by the few times we've been on our own for a few days when her dad was traveling, I'd say we'd get pretty sick of each other. I've said a million times that she wouldn't know how to do half the stuff she knows how to do, because it wouldn't occur to me to teach her. We're always so impressed when she starts doing something new - and one of us usually says, "Did you know she could do that?" And then we start working with her at home, too...but it takes a little kick in the pants to get us started. I also know I wouldn't be one of those moms who's really good about arranging activities and crafts and things, and I don't think I'd like "mommy & me" classes very much.

At the same time, I wonder about being a working mom and if my drive for success is going to affect Hannah. She's already good about applying the guilt when I travel, and it's awful. It makes me feel selfish - but really, although we certainly need my salary and it helps a lot, the real reason, deep down, that I work is for me. I need it. I need the interaction with people, and the intellectual stimulation, and the ability to feel like I'm accomplishing something that's just mine. I've said before that I was the first person in my family to graduate college, and I went to college for a reason, and that reason was to have a successful career. So I guess it is a bit selfish. But I also think that's probably okay.

What I can't figure out is why there's guilt, anyway. I mean, who ever said I have to be the one to pick up my kid from day care every day? Who said I'm the one who has to get up first in the morning, and get everyone else moving? Who said I'm the one who has to make dinner? Certainly not my husband, who is more than willing and able to share all these responsibilities. Not my parents, both of whom always worked when I was growing up. Even my grandmas worked. Sometimes I think it's a function of moving to a different geographic area, where there seem to be more stay-at-home moms than I ever encountered where I grew up. I don't think I had any friends when I was younger whose moms didn't work. Everybody's mom worked. They had to, and that was that. So you'd think that moms my age would have purged all that guilt and second-guessing, because even their moms worked and they turned out just fine.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I just always feel like I should be doing more.

Sorry to be so pensive. I just needed to get all that out.

From princess to mistress

If you happen to view my profile, you may notice that my occupation has been changed from "Princess of PR" to "Mistress of Marketing." This is because I've accepted a new job (a promotion!) at the company where I work. I'm quite excited about trying something new...and about recycling loads and loads of magazines from my cubicle that I'm no longer responsible for keeping. :)

I tried to find another royal title that started with M (to maintain the alliterative value I love so much), but all I could come up with was "Marchioness"...and that's not really very well-known or easy to say. So I went with "Mistress" instead. Perhaps not as regal, but still a lot more interesting than "Manager."

I start "transitioning" to my new job (read: starting my new job while still doing my old one) on Monday. I'm moving cubes, which is sort of sad as I am leaving the Best Cube in the Universe for something decidedly less wonderful, but the upshot is that I am really getting rid of a lot of stuff I never needed to keep in the first place. I have to shed the baggage of the old job so there will be room to accumulate baggage from the new one. *chuckle*

So that's my news. If you want more details, email me and I'll tell you...because this is as much as I'm going to say about work in a public forum!

Why did I think this was a good idea?

So, work is crazy. Mostly the challenging-in-a-good-way kind of crazy, but it is causing me stress.

I have a 15-page paper due in less than 3 weeks, for which I have only begun research...meaning, I downloaded/requested a bunch of articles whose titles looked promising. I have not yet reviewed any of these articles. There's also a 10-minute presentation to prepare on the paper I haven't written yet. I'm actually not even 100% sure what I'm supposed to be talking about in the paper.

I have a rather large research project due in less than three weeks, as well, for which I have only just gotten my survey results. (THANKS if you took my survey!!) Again, I need to prepare a presentation based on the research report I haven't written yet.

My fantastic kid is potty training, which is a weird roller coaster of really HIGH highs (hooray, you did it!) and really LOW lows (accidents in the bathtub). It also involves spending a lot of time sitting in the bathroom.

My husband is probably going to have to take another business trip soon. I told him I really didn't mind this (and I don't) because, while he is wonderful and was very concerned about having to leave when I am in the throes of school/work insanity (not to mention the potty training), I don't think I would get any work done any faster if he were here vs. not here.

Luckily, I'm done traveling for awhile...and if I can just get a plan in place for the school stuff, I will feel a lot better. But right now it all has the feel of, "Jeez, I should have started all this crap six weeks ago, even though I didn't have all the information I really needed to be able to do it then."

I had a major stomach ache this afternoon/evening...which I was afraid might be stomach flu, but I think might have actually been from stress. That is NOT cool.

I need it to be May 12. Then I have the whole summer off from school and I can bank some sanity for the fall semester. It's going to take me longer to get through school, but I am SO glad I am taking the summer off.

Life is a highway...

...and mine has been traffic-filled lately.

I went to California for work last week, which was difficult because Hannah is finally old enough to really miss me, understand that she misses me, and make me feel bad about it without even really trying. She was really excited to see me when I came home, though. :)

Our lives have become quite focused on the challenges of potty training a three-year-old. We seem to be making some progress. I got a manicure & pedicure before I left for California, and the women doing my nails gave me a hard time because my daughter isn't potty-trained yet. Seriously - what is it about having a kid that makes total strangers assume they can tell you what they think about the job you're doing? Meh on them.

Work has been insane, but I am not stupid enough to publicly write about why. Let's just say that I am "between bosses." Work has been really busy for Brock, too...he's had to work quite a few late evenings lately. I don't know how he does it; I just wear out at a certain point and can't think anymore, but he can keep plugging on something until he gets it completed/fixed/updated/whatever. It's impressive.

I only have a month of school left, and I haven't really started rocking either of my final projects. I should be doing that instead of this (or at least cleaning the bathroom instead of doing this), but I lack motivation. But...please take my survey if you haven't already! I am taking the summer off, which I'm sure I'll regret when I'm stuck in school and everyone I started with is finished, but I need a break.

I went for a nice walk with Robin on Sunday, which was good...we hadn't done that in awhile and it was nice to catch up. We walked around my neighborhood, and it made me think about how my mind is shifting into "move" mode. We've always known we'd want to try to move before Hannah starts school. Hopefully the market will recover a bit before then...but our stroll around the neighborhood made me realize that I never want to live anywhere with chain link fences ever again. I love our house so much, but I'm starting to hate the chain link fences around here.

The weekend was beautiful here, which was refreshing after so many cold, awful winter months. We broke 60 degrees for the first time! Wahoo! There's hope for us all.

Okay, enough procrastinating. My ethics paper is calling me...

The Man is getting me down

Amendment to last post: IT department now won't install software to let me sync up my phone to my new laptop because they "can't support personal hardware devices." Apparently allowing you to plug said hardware into your computer is "support." (I have not determined what this might mean for my headphones or my jump drive. Frankly, I fear for their future.)

In all fairness, I do believe the person who was forced to give me this news felt it was ridiculous, too, but that doesn't mean they're going to cave.

If I weren't working on a computer at work that still has a floppy drive (this is no joke - if you have floppy disks from college and you're wondering how you can reclaim your masterpiece term papers from history class in this age of jump drives, just send them on over to me and I can get that taken care of for you), I would be sorely tempted to just forget about the laptop.

I realize I am violating my personal code about not blogging about work, but seriously. I'm like an IT person's dream! I don't install weird stuff, I'm quite computer literate, and I never ask them for anything! AND I even lock my computer every time I leave my desk for any length of time. NOBODY does that. Seems to me that following the rules is not all it's cracked up to be. Where, I ask you, is the love?

It's that time again...

...Time for schoolwork to be due! And that means it's time for me to procrastinate by blogging. I have a short paper (very short - 2 pages) due on Monday. It's for my ethics class, which means it will require a lot of Deep Thought in order to come up with the finished two pages, and I don't feel very capable of Deep Thought right now. I also have a pile of reading to do...which I may work on a bit after I finish this. I have started approaching reading totally the wrong way: I do it when I don't want to do the work I actually have to complete for class. So I still feel like I'm accomplishing something, but I don't have to really do anything. The problem there is that nobody is grading me on my reading. But I'll get it done, because I always get everything done.

My ethics class is kind of crazy. I really like it because it's philosophical and interesting and there are a lot of gray areas to debate. Also, it seems nobody thinks marketers have any ethics at all, so it's nice to examine issues as a framework for convincing people that ethical marketing is actually possible. But we spend like the first hour to 90 minutes of each class discussing ethics-related stuff we've seen in the news, which is also interesting but can kind of drag when you've already worked a full day and eaten dinner in your car so you wouldn't be late for class. And the bookstore ordered a newer version of the textbook than the professor had, so our book doesn't match her syllabus at all. (She said all the info is the same, it's just in a different order, but it's confusing.) We never talk about the book in class, so I'm not entirely sure why I'm reading it. My research class is with the same professor and the lectures are heavily based on the book...so I don't think she's like anti-textbook or something. I do really like the professor, so that's good. But I'm having a hard time wrenching my brain between Deep Thought ethics and Grounded in Reality research. It requires two completely different thought processes. Also, neither one is as practical or immediately relevant to my job as my classes last semester, so it's hard to get as excited about them.

The last couple of weeks have been wacky. Hannah's birthday party was a week and a half ago, which was way fun but meant that I was getting ready to party and host 20 people at my house rather than do any work for school. And I took a day off work to get the house cleaned, so that meant I wasn't getting all my work done, either. It was worth it because Hannah had the best time, but it meant that the week after that was pretty...cranky.

Brock has had to work a lot of late hours lately because of the project he's on, which has been a little frustrating for all of us. And work sort of exploded for me, but I couldn't stay late because I either had class or Brock was working - and his working late was dictated by client deadlines, which sort of trumped me just needing to get things off my to-do list. Also, our plumbing got screwed up and it took more than a week to get it fixed because a) we were both super-busy and b) the plumbers didn't do a thorough job the first time they came. (Short version of the story: Plumbers came. Didn't find a blockage and told us to call the Village to check out the main line. Called the Village. Village was very attentive, came out right away, couldn't find a problem but flushed the line anyway. We still had a problem. Village checked the main line again. Couldn't find anything. Plumbers came out again yesterday. Turns out they hadn't checked our ENTIRE sewer line the last time, and - aha! - the blockage was in the part they hadn't checked. This cost a few hundred bucks, a great deal of stress and disgust. Good news is that it's fixed now, and after one more night of mopping with bleach, our basement should be okay. And we can freely run water again, which is good because the laundry was really getting out of control.)

This past weekend was one of my crankiest weekends in recent memory. I was just feeling overwhelmed and helpless to do anything about it. My funk lasted through about Monday afternoon...and was completely gone yesterday when the plumbing was officially fixed. I'm still feeling overwhelmed, but not as grumbly about it.

Oh...and here's another thing. I've been asking for a laptop at work for a couple of years, and they finally approved the request. So I get my new laptop next week, which is cool - but they won't let me have iTunes because it "isn't allowed because it's not work-related." (I have it on my computer now, but I think because my computer is so old, nobody realized I had the permissions to install anything myself.) I know I'm not an IT person and I couldn't possibly understand all the issues they face...but it's not like I'm asking for a stupid game or something. I just want to plug in my iPod and listen to music without running down my battery. I don't even want to put music on the computer! They did, at least, agree to install the software that lets me sync up my calendar with my phone, even though my phone isn't theirs. So I guess that's a small victory. Meh.

Odds & ends

1. I am so happy the Patriots lost the Super Bowl. I suppose I am also happy for the Giants that they won, and even though I've always thought Eli Manning was a little whiny, he just seemed so aw-shucks pleased with everything that I have to be happy for him. Also, he's Peyton's brother and I'm sure Peyton is glad they won. But mostly, it just does my heart good that the Cheating Cheaters Who Cheat got theirs...finally. My friend Jen & I put a sign that said "18-1" outside the office of this major Patriots fan we work with. (He is a nice guy, or we wouldn't have done it; he took it the right way. He also left Patriots stuff on my desk earlier in the season, so he had it coming.)

2. The problem with night school is that you have to work all day and then go to school. I had a mildly crummy day at work, but most of my department had a bona fide crappy day, so it was tiring. And then I had to go discuss ethics for 2 1/2 hours...which is endlessly interesting, but hard to do when your brain is so worn out.

3. I found a new use for my navigation system: finding your way in the fog. It is stupid-foggy here tonight, so I used the nav system to give me some warning for when turns were coming up. It worked quite well.

4. Tomorrow is Super Tuesday and if you live in a state that's holding its primary, be sure to vote! I'm planning to maintain my perfect Barack Obama voting record. I'm really interested to see how the presidential race shapes up after tomorrow, especially since the weather is supposed to be awful in many of the primary states.

5. Did I mention I'm happy the Patriots lost?

Kickin' it

Today was one of those days that, if it were not against my personal policy (and all good sense) to blog about work, I would have a LOT of things to say, probably involving many words in all caps, lots of indignant exclamation points and several variations on the word "stupid."

But I don't blog about work, so you'll just have to wonder why my day was so annoying.

What all that frustration did do was remind me why I love cardio kickboxing so much, because it just so happens that Thursday is cardio kick night. Today's class coincided nicely with my exasperating day. I hadn't been to class in about a month because of Christmas parties, cavities and traveling, so I was a bit rusty...but my ability to visualize things as I'm punching and kicking the air is as razor-sharp as ever. And man, did it feel good.

Because I am a pacifist, I figure this is the best way for me to safely work out my aggression. Also, cardio kick is better for me than actual kickboxing, because I don't think I could actually kick or punch anybody, no matter how much protective gear was involved. Our instructor is really good, and she does a good job of pushing you in an encouraging sort of way. So you get a good workout AND you get to purge a lot of stress.

And in my case, I could work off the therapeutic cheese fries I had for lunch. It was just a cheese fries kind of day.

I am the champion

Today was a big day for me...we had a holiday cookie baking contest in my department at work, and I won "Most Delicious" (for my baked goods, not me personally). I would like to stress that there were no rules for this contest; however, I still feel like I may have cheated a little bit because 1) I didn't actually make cookies, because I'm not that great at baking cookies and am much better at baking other things; and 2) I started with a boxed mix. But I still won, which made me feel better than it probably should have. (When the best thing to happen to you in your professional life in recent memory is that you won a completely informal cookie taste test - and you are not any sort of pastry chef - you have to admit that things could be better.)

However, the very best thing about today was that there were like 22 kinds of cookies to taste in our department, so we were all on happy sugar highs and in very good spirits. :) I ate a very large salad for lunch with a lot of green vegetables on it, so I figure I've compensated enough for the massive amount of cookies I ate.

Here, for your enjoyment, is my now award-winning recipe, which I got from an "America's Best Brand-Name Baking" cookbook, but which can also be found pretty easily online (and not just here; I Googled it because I didn't feel like getting off the couch to actually go get the cookbook from the kitchen and copy the recipe):

Cheesecake-Topped Brownies

1 large (family-size) box fudge brownie mix (Mine was Duncan Hines, about 21 oz.)
8 oz. cream cheese, softened
2 tablespoons butter or margarine, softened
1 tablespoon cornstarch
14-oz. can sweetened condensed milk
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Ready-to-spread chocolate frosting (the recipe says this is optional, but I think it's absolutely mandatory)

1. Preheat oven to 350. Prepare brownie mix according to package directions. Spread evenly in well-greased, 9 x 13-in. pan.
2. In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese, margarine and cornstarch until fluffy. Gradually beat in the sweetened condensed milk, egg and vanilla until smooth. Pour evenly over the brownie batter. (I know it sounds like this might not work, but don't worry, it does.)
3. Bake 45 minutes or until top is lightly browned (keep an eye on it after about 40 minutes so it doesn't get too brown).
4. Cool completely. Spread with frosting. Cut into bars. Store in the refrigerator.

In my experience, making these the night before you want to serve them works really well. Frost them, but don't cut them; keep them in the fridge overnight and cut them the next day.

Mmm, brownies.

Done!

Sales meeting is done.
Group paper and presentation are done.
Research paper is done.
Final exam is done.
First class of graduate program is done.
My brain is done...I'm going to go read People magazine and try very hard not to think about anything at all for a couple of days!

Random update

The status of stuff at home:
Hannah has a cold. So do I. She is (as usual) dealing with it much better than I am. She is just not a whiny kid, or she hasn't learned yet that you can totally milk it when you don't feel so hot. Either way, she makes me feel like a wimp. *chuckle* We've gotten to spend some time together the past few days, though, since we had all that time in the car over the weekend AND I actually left work more or less on time yesterday and today. Brock is not sick, which is good, and is currently, at 9:35 p.m., at the grocery store buying milk because we are almost out. He takes the best care of us.

The status of school stuff:
My research paper is done; that is to say, it's as good as it's going to get. It is not the best paper I've ever written, but it'll have to do. I don't have time or energy to make it any better, so I surrender. My group paper is also pretty much done; I felt like I had to do a lot more work on it than I should have, but I think it, also, is as good as it's going to get. Someone else in the group is responsible for finishing the PowerPoint, my part of which I already gave her, so I am choosing not to worry about that. So now I think I just have to study for the final - but in super-happy-oh-so-great news, we get to have a cheat sheet for the test. This is fabulous because, while I get all the concepts, memorizing everything is just more than my mucus-addled head can handle. So if I can just have something to remind me of things, I think I should be okay. I still have to study, though. And make my cheat sheet.

The status of work stuff:
My presentation and handouts for our fall sales meeting are pretty much done. I haven't practiced my presentation yet, but it's pretty much a variation on the theme I do every year, so I don't anticipate anything too weird happening. Usually I just practice it in the car on the way there the day I have to present (it's an hour drive from home), and I'm good to go. Luckily, I really like giving presentations, so I don't freak out too much about them.

Random other stuff:
While I have a fond place in my heart for our Dell laptop, as it was a Valentine's Day present from Brock four years ago, it is also four years old and slow as molasses. And I hate the space bar, which has always been a little funky. I have to use it for school stuff because it has Word and PowerPoint and all those Microsoft tools of domination on it, whereas our cute little Macbook doesn't. And just so you know, I tried Google Docs, and it totally doesn't work for papers that require a lot of formatting. So I tried to "stick it to the man," as it were, and couldn't.

I am so excited that it's not yet 10:00 and I am actually done with a bunch of stuff. I may go to bed early tonight. I should probably start organizing my notes to study, but I don't feel like it...and I have to stay late at work tomorrow, anyway, since I have to kill time before going to the sales meeting's opening dinner. So maybe I'll do it then.