Evil peanuts

Even though I typically prefer NEWSWEEK over Time, this is a pretty good article on all the fuss over peanut allergies.

I am a bit peeved by the people who seem to think "all the fuss" is just a bunch of parents overreacting and making it unnecessarily challenging for other people's kids to eat peanut butter sandwiches, but if you're going to have a balanced report, it does mean you have to let both sides have their say.

We have always tried to strike a good balance between being appropriately freaked-out by, and simultaneously reasonable about, Hannah's peanut allergy. We don't have peanuts at home, and we are really good at reading food labels. We picked a preschool that was consciously peanut-free and doesn't allow kids to bring food from home, so we're minimizing risk wherever we can. But we let her eat the cake at kids' birthday parties, and we eat out at restaurants all the time without creating a scene about what's in every single dish. (Besides, nothing on any kids' menu in any restaurant is very likely to have nuts in it, because it's all grilled cheese sandwiches, mac 'n' cheese and pizza.)

Still, having a kid with a food allergy - especially a peanut allergy, which is considered to be the most likely to result in the most serious reactions - means relying on other people to keep your kid safe...even more than any other parent has to do for any other kid. Our lesson on Epi-pens was terrifying, and even after carrying two with us everywhere we go for more than two years, I still live in fear of the day I might actually have to use them. I still catch my breath a bit when she eats a baked good that I have not been able to completely inspect, even if it is totally logical that a sugar cookie should be fine. But I also don't want to be "that mom" who makes a big huge deal out of stuff. I just want my kid to be able to eat without worrying that she's going to end up swollen in hives and unable to breathe.

Hannah's getting to the age where we are trying to teach her more about what it means that she's allergic to peanuts, and that she has to ask about new foods before she tries them. I think she's starting to get it - she at least knows that peanuts will make her "very sick." But I don't want to freak her out, either.

But I also want other parents to understand that peanut allergies are serious, and if you're not dealing with a food allergy in your family you should be grateful, certainly, but you should also be respectful of those who are. We don't want to be a pain, and we hate that we have to ask for special treatment sometimes. But we do it anyway, because we want our kids to be able to go out for ice cream just like yours (so we ask the person at the counter to go wash the scoop before they get Hannah's vanilla, or we just go for soft-serve straight from the machine); and we want our kids to be able to eat lunch with their friends without worrying about anything bad happening; heck, we also want them to be able to fly in a plane without fear, so is it really that big a deal if the airline has to give you pretzels rather than peanuts? We're just trying to keep them safe, and while we don't want to have to ask for your help, we still have to. You would, too, if it were your kid.

I know there are lots of food allergies, and one very good argument is that concessions aren't made for those allergic to those other foods (milk, soy, etc.) the way they are for those who are allergic to nuts. But it's also true that peanut allergies tend to mean more severe reactions, and they're less likely to be outgrown than a lot of those others.

For my daughter, that means that it's very likely that she'll still be dealing with this and asking for special treatment and hating to draw attention to her allergy into adulthood. But that's the way it is, and a little help is much appreciated.